These thoughts are pure MADNESS

I'm realizing so much lately.

2009-03-21T08:09:53Z

It feels great.

I love going to church for the lone reason of thinking. It's like the preacher is a fuel for mental debates with yourself and your beliefs. It's good to go sit and think and write poetry there. I used to hate church and all the bullshit drama there, but I just don't talk to anyone while I'm there.

I love how at peace I am with myself and everything.

I love how I have such a vivid imagination but can still think more logically than over half of the population.

I've realized that I have fucked up dreams, every night, but I even love those.

I will be 17 in less than a week, and an adult in a year. That's insane. It scares the hell out of me, but it's invigorating all the same. I've realized how independent I've become, and I love that.

I'm having so many ideas to write, but no drive to do so. I need to write things down.

Hot damn, I feel so fucking alive.

I will write my sins in scarlet ink. And I'll build my walls with doors in them.
I'm neither ashamed nor proud of the mistakes I've made that have shaped me into what I am today.
Fucking live it.

madtheminx @ 2008-12-07T01:50:00

2008-12-07T07:53:11Z

It's really good to know that you can't wait to get me out of here.
It's really great that I know this is all because you don't fucking want me. :P

madtheminx @ 2008-11-04T21:13:00

2008-11-05T03:14:13Z

I'm done, with everything.

Goddamnit.

2008-10-19T22:13:54Z

I'm fucking breaking.

I'm trapped, and suffocating.

Fuck, I should've stayed in Austin. I can't handle this.

madtheminx @ 2008-10-07T20:49:00

2008-10-08T01:53:49Z

You're in my rear view mirror.
Passed you. I keep looking back.
"Keep your eye on the road," I hear.
"Maybe you'll catch up," I think.
I go on a faster pace than my so called friends;
Mileage is no issue with me.
This was in my making:
Spawn of poets and musicians,
writers and great thinkers.
Genius in my bloodline makes for a good fuel,
good for the gas tank.
There's no "I think I can" but only "I know I can."
Underestimating me was your first mistake;
you're farther in the mirror.
"You might catch up one day. There's still a slight chance."
You use harsh words hurting others to speed ahead and pass through.
You only earn tickets
from the state trooper that is your conscience.
You go on slower for the moment, angry at lost time.
Painful truths you'd never face are thrown into the road.
Pop your tires.
You rely on others for repair.
When will you learn?
In the middle of nowhere, there are no auto-shops.
Get a patch kit and a spare tire.
You're only a speck now.
"No chance at all."
Reaching a place of rest for the night, I'm having no thoughts of the empty in my mirror.
You're a thousand miles back
stopped by the state trooper you hate and ignore.
You have to pull double time to make it now.
You can't enjoy the drive.

I really need to start living this again, like I used to.
Sure, I was a bit cynical and cold, but at least I was a better person and semi-impervious.

madtheminx @ 2008-09-28T22:27:00

2008-09-29T03:29:12Z

:D

^ that's my face right now.

hmm

2008-09-22T07:30:16Z

though i must say, and please dont take this the wrong way,

but you were something else

id forgotten just how brilliant you were in person

for some reason this makes me feel extremely warm and fuzzy, and comforted.

w00t?

2008-09-21T18:14:44Z

Idunno. I'm not sure how to take this.

hjkshfsgjyt

2008-09-20T20:54:21Z

jjtrjmjgnlcsg

I miss you.

I'm motivated?

2008-09-13T21:14:19Z

I'm going to get things right from now on. I'm tired of feeling awful all the time because I feel lazy and like I'm wasting my time and wasting away. I feel worthless when I'm just laying there. I've decided to set some goals and a loose schedule of things I'm going to accomplish each day.

I'm going to start learning guitar.
I'm going to start eating healthier.
I'm going to start exercising.
I'm going to start doing better at school.
I'm going to get a job.
I'm going to get my permit so I can't start driving.
I'm going to be more responsible.
I'm going to be selfish in a healthy way, as in I'm going to start doing things for me instead of taking care of everyone else.

Raddaraddaradda

2008-09-12T06:29:41Z

Stfu. I'm so sick of hearing about money. I don't think you're going to freaking steal mine, I don't care about money. Ugh.
I'm so sick of everything going on right now. I wish things were how they were before summer, with this summer still happening.

I'm trying to get motivated to do things I need to, instead of shirking everything. Reorganizing my stuff makes me feel good about that kind of stuff. I don't get anything done when I'm unorganized. :P I'm too lazy. Bleh. I'm going to start exercising too, and eating healthier. I've been doing better about the last thing, until today. :P

For some reason, I'm not wanting it to be the weekend. I have a feeling it's going to be extremely boring.